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 "M" IS FOR MORONS

One thing you're going to notice, now that I have a Sunday radio show, is an occasional overlap of topics. I'm going to try not to do that, but sometimes there is a story that demands deeper digging. This weeks winner is the FBI story. Unless you're living in a bunker, you've heard about it. The very law that prompted so much grousing amongst freedom-lovers, the wire-tapping-without-a-warrant law that caused so many to fear losing their privacy, that big national security hole that we had to fill...well, it was going pretty well until we forgot to pay the phone bill. Yes, telephone companies have cut off FBI wiretaps used to eavesdrop on various criminals, mostly suspected terrorists, because of unpaid bills. At least one tap used in a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act investigation was halted due to untimely payments, an audit found.

It's not even their money, they don't even have a budget(as most of us understand the word "budget"), the money is there, and they still can't get it done. It's funny and fun to make fun of, but strip away the humor and it is just plain pathetic, and maybe deadly. Imagine the implications if something was missed due to nothing more than the monumental ineptitude of government agencies. As McCain has stated over and over, people have lost faith in the people we hire to serve and protect us, and you can hardly wonder why. One would think, after Sept. 11th, 2001 and all that it implied about our intelligence-gathering community, that a complete overhaul would have been in order. Who wants to get caught dropping the ball this time? You would think, nobody does, but instead it's business as usual, and I use the word "business" generously here. More than half of 990 bills to pay for telecommunication surveillance in five FBI offices were not paid on time. Not to worry, assures Assistant Director John Miller, because wiretaps were only "dropped a few times". The question, as any fifth-grader would know, is, why do it at all if you're not going to do it right?

The mismanagement of funds is nothing new at the FBI. In June 2006 an FBI employee pleaded guilty to stealing $25,000 for her own use. Testimony in that case indicated without surprise that the misdirection of funds within the agency was all but rampant. Even this is not shocking news because, hey, it's the government and we're used to it. Even I could probably shrug that off, although I could use a quick 25K too, but it is the simple idea of not paying the phone company, the foundation of you're wire-tapping enterprise, that blows my mind. And I can bet it's blowing a few other minds as well, probably in the Middle East. I couldn't help but think of Curly, hiding in the old-fashioned radio, broadcasting live from inside the huge box to his villainous pursuers, that "I ain't seen three guys that look like that around here!". Then, the big scary guy slides the radio forward to reveal Curly crouching on floor, still advising his adversaries on where they might find the three knuckleheads. For us, of course, finding the knuckleheads is easy. Look for any large building with a name beginning with "Federal...".

It's funny and sad at the same time. These are exactly the types of things that I, for one, am hoping will become history. Anecdotal stories from a time in America that we became momentarily in stupor, a kind of black-out-in-time. I hope we can restore the prestige to this nation and all of her institutions, to a time when things like this may have been unheard of. Then I read the last piece of the story and wonder. According to Inspector General Glenn A. Fine (no relation to Larry), who headed up the revelatory audit, his report to the FBI included 16 recommendations to improve the FB's tracking and management of funds. The FBI agreed to follow 11 of the suggestions but said that the other four were "unfeasible or too cost prohibitive". Get it? It costs too much to manage our funds and payment systems. O.K., well, maybe we can restore part of America's prestige. Call me and let me know, and if it's long distance, just charge it to the FBI.

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