CHURCHINESS
With due credit to
Stephen Colbert for inventing the word "truthiness", which implies a desire
for truth without being burdened down with all the "old-fashioned"
requirements for truth...I describe myself as having a sense of "churchiness"
when asked about my religious beliefs. Weighted, as mankind has been for
thousands of years, with debate and disagreement (to put it lightly) over
all our various religions, I have recently embarked on a journey of
self-discovery prompted by a recent family event that had, shall we say, an
awkward moment. Also, of course, sparked by the debate over the recently
released movie version of The DaVinci Code.
A little family background is necessary to give context so, bear with me.
My mother, Sicilian, was raised Roman Catholic. My grandmother, huge
Sicilian woman with an actual church-like altar constructed in her
bedroom....was very Catholic. I remember clearly, as a child, not being
able to pass through that room without genuflecting. A little creepy for a
kid, quite frankly. My father, a die-hard agnostic. Sometime in the early
sixties my mother left the Catholic Church for reasons that are still not
clear to me, however, from that point on, I was brought up as an
Episcopalian. Sunday school, church every Sunday...you know the drill. As
soon as I was old enough not to have to go, I stopped going. Never really
gave the whole thing much thought to tell you the truth. I respect
everyone's right, desire, need to believe in whatever they want to believe
in as long as it doesn't mandate the slaughter of entire races of people.
Gets a little dicey for me when it goes down that road.
Now, my in-laws, Italians from North Jersey, are devout Roman Catholics in a
Sopranoesque way. Pretty serious about the church. A couple of weeks ago,
my eight year old son made his First Communion. You'll notice I used
capital letters which betrays my, our, innate fear of screwing up anything
having to do with "churchiness". In spite of my own views which, as an
adult, I would have to describe as agnostic, I was moved by the ceremony and
by the grace of our Father Andy who is a great guy with a great sense of
humor. I was, in fact, teary-eyed and in the emotion of the moment, found
my self in-line with my tongue sticking out accepting communion and a sip of
wine. Not having any inkling of my transgression, I proceeded along my way,
greeting family members on the way out and meeting everyone at a small
dinner party where everyone began getting a little lubricated.
Later, when most of us were feeling no pain, my mother-in-law informed me
that I may well be going to hell for accepting communion as a non-Catholic.
Terrified, I looked at wife, who teaches CCD, and had been behind me in
church, waving her arms frantically as I had approached Father Andy, tongue
extended, robot-like, serious in my churchiness. I remembered
thinking..."what the hell is she doing?...this place is packed and she's
waving me off like an aircraft carrier deck-man who sees an F-15 coming in
hot and sideways." Suddenly, it all came to me. Not just anyone can get
the holy cracker and a sip of wine. It's not a snack. This isn't an open
house at Century 21.
Naturally, we all had a lot of laughs for the rest of the evening talking
about how I would have to watch for lightning. It made me think though,
about religion and the big scheme of things. If you had never seen a
Catholic ceremony, with the incense and the chanting, had never read a
bible, it would all seem ridiculous. It wouldn't seem any more loony than
the Heaven's Gate crowd out in California a few years ago...they all drank
the cyanide, wearing brand-new sneakers and with a pocketful of quarters
waiting to be picked up by the "mother ship". The leader, Johnny
Lightning, or whatever the hell his name was, looked as though he got into
the brown acid at Woodstock. Like the rest of us though, they had a need to
believe in something.
I'm fine with my kids being raised Catholic. It's a good foundation. They
will grow up and make up their own minds. I believe in the spirit and the
power of the moon, space that never ends. When I think about
infinity...really think about it, or the beginning of time, the concept of
that, I guess you have to believe in something somewhere. For me, the
thought of a big guy up in the sky with a beard and a lightning bolt, who
loves and forgives us all but who might send us to a burning inferno for
eternity on a technicality? Ugh...I guess I need a little more time...and
Hey! You! Get your tongue back in your mouth.